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thefatjewish

@thefatjewish / thefatjewish

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MEGHAN MARKLE WENT FROM HANGING OUT WITH ME IN 2010 TO BEING AN ACTUAL LITERAL PRINCESS. STEP YOUR WHOLE MAN GAME UP.
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Priest: Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? Cardi: MMMMMM OKURRRRR FRRRRR OOOOOUUU YIP YIP YAAAAA BRRRRATTT AYYYYYYY OKURRRRRRR
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0 tag and 1 profile in descriptionIF I GO MORE THAN 8 HOURS WITHOUT BURATTA I START SHAKING AND BARFING AND CRYING (@charlieday )
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IT’S SO WEIRD TO SAY HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO YOUR MOM ON SOCIAL MEDIA WHEN SHE ISN’T ON ANY FUCKING SOCIAL MEDIA
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0 tag and 1 profile in descriptionENJOY YOUR CAULIFLOWER RICE AT A DINNER PLANNED 3 WEEKS IN ADVANCE MOTHERFUCKERS (tw: @ryannhartley )
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0 tag and 1 profile in descriptionTHAT MAN NEEDS LEXIPRO, BAD. LIKE THE SAME AMOUNT THAT ANNA KENDRICK NEEDS A STYLIST. THE SAME AMOUNT THAT I NEED TO START EATING CAULIFLOWER RICE INSTEAD OF THE REGULAR RICE THAT GAVE ME THIS SHREK BODY (@drgrayfang )
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0 tag and 1 profile in descriptionIf you don’t poop with the door open when you’re together, it’s not real fucking love. -Maya Angelou (@wittyidiot )
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0 tag and 1 profile in descriptionDUDE 🖤’S A BIG THICK BACKYARD. POOPITY SCOOP. (@theamericanizedfrench )
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“The future depends on what we do in the present.” BITCH PLEASE YOU’RE IN A TUBE TOP WITH A CHUNKY GEMSTONE NAVEL PIERCING
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0 tag and 1 profile in descriptionHAVING A HOUSE GLASS OUTSIDE THE HOUSE IS SUCH A FUCKING FIRE LOOK I APPLAUD YOU DEB. (Her name is definitely Deb right?) tw: @letmerestplease
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1 tag and 1 profile in descriptionI PUT THIS BILLBOARD UP ON THE HIGHWAY TO COACHELLA TO PROMOTE MY WINE AND TO LET EVERYONE KNOW THAT IT’S OK TO BE ANY RACE, RELIGION, OR SEXUAL ORIENTATION, BUT IT’S NEVER OK TO MAKE ME WATCH YOUR INSTAGRAM STORY OF BEYONCÉ PERFORMING FROM A MILE AWAY WHILE YOUR HAND IS FUCKING SHAKING @webroughtwine #coachella
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Jim Carrey 2018 is emotionally unstable and sooooo fucking woke.
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